What do you think of my story so far?im on chapter 22 right now. it's going to be an adult romance novel. any change suggestions are appreciated.
Ch 21
TEN YEARS LATER...
She just couldn't stop thinking about him. She knew she shouldn't--she got attached way too easily and always ended up getting hurt--but she just couldn't. Silas Blackwell was the father of her baby and Sasha just couldn't forget that.
He shouldn't be anyone important to her. He shouldn't have been the father of their now 9 month old son Ryan. Silas didn't love her. He didn't love him. He was supposed to be her husband. They were supposed to get married this month. But Silas abandoned them for another woman.
Ryan was only 6 months old when it happened. Silas was supposed to visit him at least three times a week but he stopped doing it after two weeks. My poor baby, Sasha thought as she kept a close eye on her son playing with his toys on her lap. They were sitting outside in the grass enjoying the sunshine. Or at least trying to.
Ryan was so little. Sasha didn't want him to have to go through this. It pained her when his first words were "dada." He would never understand why his dad left him so young. Sasha would never understand it either. Everytime Ryan reminded her of Silas with that one word she would have to softly tell him, "Daddy left us, baby." And even though Sasha was sure he didn't know what that meant, he would just cry and beg for him. Someone that didn't even want a thing to do with the life he helped create.
Sasha got that motherly instinct that her son was getting tired so she started picking him up so she could take him inside and put him down for a nap.
She rose slowly, carefully perching Ryan against her hip and looked out to the streets in a desperate search of Silas' car. Where was help when she needed it?
As if her prayers were answered, Sasha noticed a muscularly well-built young man standing at the edge of her driveway. Is that Silas? She thought, squinting to get a better look. She must have been hallucinating because there was no way Silas could go from thin and lanky to drop-dead gorgeous. She suddenly wasn't sure why she even wanted to marry him.
Sasha's mouth dropped open in disbelieft when she realized it was actually Derek, her first love. No way! Sasha squealed inside her head, feeling like a giddy teenager again as her heart pounded wildly in her chest.
She tried her best not to grin and get lost in the moment as old memories of them, pain and rejection flooded her head at once. She suddenly felt dizzy and her knees buckled at the sight of him. He was so handsome. Was it even possible for a guy to be this gorgeous?
Sasha and Derek stared at each other for a really long time. They hadn't seen each other since they graduated or talked since they were in 10th grade. After what seemed like hours Sasha realized she was still holding Ryan and he made a whimpering noise and Sasha went like to him in a baby voice, "Hey Ry-Ry, look who's that? Who's that man? Let's go see who that man is."
♥♥♥
Sasha walked up to Derek carying Ryan and stopped right in front of him so they were face to face. They stared at each other again, letting their eyes rake over each other's bodies.
Derek couldn't believe Sasha was actually standing before him. She looked so different. He let his eyes scan her body again. It was tantalizing. She really developed into such an attractive young woman. He wondered how old she was.
Derek spoke up first after a couple of long akward moments. "Hey," he said simply, noticing for the first time that Sasha had a kid. He was so busy letting himself get reaquainted with her that he didn't notice her son.
"Hey," came her soft reply. He smiled inwardly, thinking her shyness was the only thing that remained unchanged about her. She was still the same quiet girl he used to know, only now she was trapped in a woman's body. He wondered if she still felt the same way she did about him all those years ago. He sure didn't.
Deerek said the first thing that popped into his head. "You're a mom now?" Well that was stupid, he thought. Isn't it obvious, genius?
Sasha nodded shyly at him, unable to speak. She shifted her son to her other hip and all Derek could do was stare like an idiot, captivated by her simple movements. He took their short akward silence as a chance to look her over again, admiring her curves and shapely hips before he spoke again.
"What's his name?" he practically demanded, asking for two names in particular. The baby's name and his father's so he could punch his lights out.
"Ryan," Sasha replied, looking into Derek's eyes, seeing his double meaning. She didn't want to tell him yet. Instead, she shifted her gaze to her son and decided to introduce him to him.
some of it got cut off. the rest is here
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20100130134145AAmEvY2
Sequoyahh Prep School
It's okay not that interesting.
And didn't really have any hooks.
Internet Explorer
This was actually really superb. You really know how to write.
Gothic Witch
This is really good! great job!
ConansOwner
too much drama for me ,, babygirl.... if you give it away, who's going to buy it...
Shelly
"He wondered how old she was." Doesn't make since becuase if they dated in highschool and they went to highschool together you'd think he'd know her age. Also the begginning was kind of confusing for me. The first 2 paragraphs. To me when you said "she coulnd't stop thinking about him but she needed to becuase she would get attached and hurt", to me it seems like she has already been hurt and attached, plus he is gone so it doesn't seem to me that she can get attached to him again and hurt again. These two sentences also seem to be contradicting one another: "Silas Blackwell was the father of her baby and Sasha just couldn't forget that. He shouldn't be anyone important to her. " "She just coudn't forget that he is the father of her baby, and he shouldn't be important to her? Shouldn't he be important to her because he is the father of her baby? That seems like kind of a big deal. Besides these problems it is good so far.
Orignal From: What do you think of my story so far?
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